When it has to do with people, though, it is hard to know which direction to turn your thoughts. Inward for reflection or outward for an overview of what the heck happened? And how difficult is it to not assign some blame or all the blame to the other party? Sometimes it really is you. Sometimes it really is the other person and sometimes, it really is a combination. Wanting that clarity is _healthy_. This should be a time for you to grow closer to God and ask Him for clearer vision. Most of the time, it will be a combination. And there is a lot of room for growth there, because you can work on your part of it. Not because it will restore the relationship, not even because it will make you feel better. But because God has asked something of you and when you respond in obedience, meaning being willing to be humble enough to be taught what he has brought to the table, your once confused, angry, hostile, devastating, injured self will be transformed by God's blessing of your obedience.
I read a book on forgiveness by Kay Bruner several months ago and she talks about how our job is to forgive and God's job is to heal. I never thought about it that way- and truly, we ALL know a penetrating wound that still zings when you think of what happened- that CAN only be mended by God. And when God tends to those broken places, the quietness and stillness in ours hearts is close and real AND permanent. Will we have scars? Yes. Will we be able to recall the pain? Yes, but that will fade and other better and good things will come into your life. These situations are not failures, these are momentary afflictions preparing us for eternal glory. 2 Corinthians 4:17
With a little help:
Sometimes people just cannot be who you thought they were or what you wanted them to be. Or maybe YOU can't be what someone else has asked or possibly demanded from you. Maybe it was unfair of you to have expectations of someone else. But is it really some sort of injustice to that other person if you develop a relationship and begin to believe the behavior they present you with (TRUST) and then they morph into someone you no longer even recognize? Maybe the expectations you had were from the person they told you they were when you met, but as they became more of who they really are and time enough passed that there was no possible way to fake it, the two paradigms fit less and less. And the clash between who you thought they were and who they truly are is like dumping out two boxes of puzzle pieces and trying to assemble it into one big puzzle.
When legalism creeps in and devours truth, when silence hides secrets, when there is contempt where you thought there was once love, when a heart has gone deaf, when toxicity clouds reality, for whatever other destructive symptoms.....doors must close.
I have tried everything that is within the realm of my human capacity to do- both healthy AND, yes, unhealthy. Now, I am turning every single ounce of it over to God. My hands are completely off.
Thank you, God!!!!!!!
Here is the book I highly recommend from Kay:
Debunking The Myths of Forgive-and-Forget
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