Her music reminds me of what I hope my soul sounds like to the Lord. Not my singing voice, not my own worship. But when I am nakedly, without my flesh, standing before the Lord, I want to be transparent like her voice makes me feel. And it makes me think that I might even have a sense of whimsy for being so free to be with my Lord.
Now, I know it has been months and months since I posted. And I am not who I was back then. God has done something in me. God has done more than tweak my rough spots, more than sanctifying me around the edges, more than smoothing my curves. He has dug me up by the roots first, turned me upside down, gently shaken me, removed me from the bitter soil I was trying to grow in and replanted me by His still waters. (Psalm 23, Jeremiah 17:8) He has become my sunshine, my very breath.
I am not writing those things to be dramatic or to be poetic. I was saved already when this process began about the time I last posted, actually. So, it is not a rebirth. It is God pulling me near, it is the nest I have found him lining with his love and protection.
Like in Psalm 91:4
He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
It is a discovery of soil for my slightly pathetic roots that I didn't think could be so sweet, so complete and nourishing, so pure no matter what else is swirling around my proximity. And yet, the new soil transforms my roots!! That surprised me. I just wasn't expecting it- I mean, my meager roots could only be meager, right? No way! Not when God gets ahold of you!!!
Today, I have joy. The people who know me will know how much of a victory this is for me, IN THE LORD. This week has been the darkest week I have faced, perhaps in my life. And God just keeps pouring on the love. That does not mean tomorrow I will feel exactly like this. But, for today and right now, I am resting in this profound peace.
I am going to share my journey soon. And I hope that this will be a place of comfort and inspiration and truth for you.
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